Beauty is a term which needs a major re-definition, I suppose. It's high time we have to "un-learn, re-learn and re-define" it.
What made me think so? Nothing but whining of my preschooler.
Scene 1: We were walking towards our apartment after picking L from school bus. The worried girl asked me:
"Mama, do you think I have dark circles around my eyes?"
Mom: "What??? dark circle?? How did you learn this? Who said so?"
Girl: "Mr. J (her KG mate). He said it needs to be treated else I won't be pretty."
Mom: "There is nothing around your eyes. You look tired because you did not sleep well. You better not bother at all."
Girl: "But, Mama, J said it's there and it's bad." [He even suggested creams.]
I had tough time convincing my daughter that she just needs to ignore such blabbering.
Scene 2: Another day, walking back to apartment post school session.
Girl: "Mama, I have gaps between my teeth. J said it will not look good on me as I grow up."
Mom: "Come on, it's natural. As your milk teeth fall out and new bunch comes, the gap probably could disappear. Gap is common at this age. There is nothing to be worried about."
Girl: "But, mama, J said so. He said it's bad."
Yet, another struggle for mom to convince daughter that these are not something you should look at the age of 4.
I might sound like a paranoid, conservative mom, but I am not worried if you tag me so. For me, this is NOT something that kids at the age of 4-5 should be discussing at the preschool. There are much more things they have to do, rather than trying to see the world through the eyes of adults.
I would not want to teach my girl about beautifying herself, rather beautifying her deeds, words and being kind and helpful. And not to fall for external beauty, but to have wisdom to know that everyone is beautiful in the way Almighty has created him/her. There is a purpose and wisdom behind every of His creation.
If I ever get a boy (IA), I would never teach him to look at the beauty of a woman's body rather assess her by her kindness, tenderness, boldness, alertness, confidence, determination and many more. A woman is not just a piece of flesh, she is an individual. Whether she looks appealing to your eyes or not, she is what she is.
How do boys get such a detailed feeling of "external beauty" at such an early age? Are TVs, movies and cartoons only to blame for? Aren't we parents play a major role in introducing the real meaning of beauty to our little ones?
What's the whole point of being pretty outside when you’re so ugly inside?
My advice to my daughter would be "Make our inside beautiful, external beauty will follow."
I love below quotes:
“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
“Beauty shouldn’t be about changing yourself to achieve an ideal or be more socially acceptable. Real beauty, the interesting, truly pleasing kind, is about honoring the beauty within you and without you. It’s about knowing that someone else’s definition of pretty has no hold over you.”
― Golda Poretsky
Joining The Prompt from Sara and Magic Moments from Jaime.
I think it's important that we always tell our kids how beautiful they are and encourage them to ignore harsh comments made by others. Age 4 is too young to be having conversations like this about dark circles!
ReplyDeleteYou're right Izzie. We need to constantly tell them how beautiful they are!
DeleteThank you!
Wow, I had no idea four year olds could even be aware if this! Kindness and respect are so much more important. Live those quotes too :-) #theprompt
ReplyDeleteNeither did I until I ended up in this conversation. Our kids live in a different era.. ;)
DeleteThank you!
Love these quotes. So sad that children worry about their looks at such a young age. Letting them know that being beautiful is more about what's inside than about what's outside is so important. Very thought-provoking post.
ReplyDeleteThank You Lousie..Love your poem on mom's beauty!
Delete"If I ever get a boy (IA), I would never want teach him to look at the beauty of a woman's body rather assess her by her kindness, tenderness, boldness, alertness, confidence, determination and many more. A woman is not just a piece of flesh, she is an individual."
ReplyDeleteWell said!
Great post. x
Thank You Tracy!
DeleteGreat post and I can't believe that your daughter is worrying about that at her age, and that her friend is making these comments! Where is he learning this from? It is just crazy, they really should not be thinking about this at their age, it is just depressing! I am totally with you on everything you said about inner beauty being so much more important than what society says people should look like! #theprompt
ReplyDeleteThank You Caroline. Have a great day!
DeleteI think it's unbelievable that preschoolers discuss this! More than anything else, it's us parents who have to set the right principles in place. That boy might have heard similar comments at home, and children pick up these things so quickly.
ReplyDeleteI think the same, kid might have learned it from conversations at home. We, as parents, often forget that our kids have all eyes and ears on what we do and say!
DeleteThanks Tarana!
The worse type of socialization because it's so easy to define what's good and what's bad. Sad!
ReplyDeleteGood for you in keeping calm and acknowledging Liyas feelings.
Hmm, yes! The other side of socialization. Thanks Salma!
DeleteI cannot believe that you have had to have these conversations with your 4yo already! It is very telling of the world we now live in, and it's very sad. I couldn't agree more with your thoughts on inner beauty and the importance of redefining what beauty is. Wonderful post, thank you so much for linking to #ThePrompt x
ReplyDeleteThank You Sara. Loved reading about beauty from many perspectives and from different bloggers. This was indeed incredible. Thanks for holding this event.
DeleteCute:) Yes today's kids are so much more aware. You are right about the concept of beauty. it is this misconstrued concept of beauty that later leads to many societal problem and the best solution is to nip it in the bud itself, when the kids are young and at a learning stage
ReplyDeleteYou are right. These wrong images which get imprinted at early age is causing many societal issues later on especially in the "marriage market" when it comes to India. That's why "the look" matters more than what the person is in this society. Not sure if it's gonna change ever. Kids are more and more addicted to the fallacies portrayed by media ( so do we adults) and I seriously have little hope about a remarkable change.
DeleteAw. We've hit the same things here with my 4 year old girl saying she wants to be pretty like Elsa or she needs lipstick (lip balm) to be beautiful. We try to reinforce her inner beauty when she says these things. My 3 year old boy likes to dress up to "look beautiful" too. It's difficult for us as parents to know how to combat the external influences that can make them not feel beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI think your values are great and this is a wonderful post x
Thank God I am not alone in the boat. ;)
DeleteYou are right Chrissie, it's so difficult to fight the external influences. The world is already obsessed with BEAUTY as it is defined by media and ads. God save our children!
Thank you x
Our kids are jaded by those around us sadly, I often don't wear make up in the house or around my daughter for worry she will think it's necessary.
ReplyDeleteMy hair is often a mess for the sane reason. I don't want her to tgink its necessary to look like those on tv on in magazines but fear it will be the normal for her generation as thats what is portrayed everywhere.
Great post.
That's great idea. What we do is what they observe and practice later on. I think we as parents should put efforts in letting our kids see the world through their eyes.
DeleteThank You Clare!
Goodness is this really a topic that kids nowadays talk about now. I think that all the kids in my 4 yr old pre school class are pretty in different ways. All the variety of colors and sizes are just nice. And I think that my son appreciates this too. And I am glad that he is not opening such topic to me yet. I hope that your daughter wont feel that she is not pretty cuz she is. #MagicMoments
ReplyDelete